My Birthday. My Book. My Bad.

 

I'm 47 minutes into my 25th year. Don't get confused...I'm 24, but this is now my 25th year of living. Figure it out yourself, I don't want to explain it.

I wish I would have thought about it sooner, so I'll just wait till next year, but I don't want people posting "happy birthday" on my facebook. If you want to wish me a happy birthday, call me. If you don't have my number, I don't think you're someone who I really need a "happy birthday" from.

Best birthday present ever? My niece being in town. Oh yeah, my mom and sister too...but...my niece is amazing. If I'm not too lazy...expect videos to come soon.

It appears that I'm going to college...so long as my financial aid crap goes through. More on this some other day.

Today is my birthday, so wanna know what you can do to make it a great one? "Like" my book "ROCK BEATS PAPER" on facebook by clicking here and keep checking that page for updates throughout the day to learn when my book launches on the KINDLE and NOOK. The book is only $0.99 in digital format! WHICH IS AMAZING...so AMAZING that I have to limit the amount of time the price is that low. So on July 30th...the price is going up to $6.99. So by the book soon!

Alright...on to some fun...

The other day my dear and gorgeous friend Courtney and I were having a quite pleasant conversation...and it lead to us going back and forth about things we don't like in this world. I'm posting the contents of said conversation here, not because I think it was hilarious, but because I really want some people to read it...and stop doing what Courtney and I dislike...so on to the dislikable shenanigans...

Artsy shot of my friend Courtney.
Courtesy of her facebook.

COURTNEY:

I don't like poop on my foot...orrr droughts orrr warm milk...I don't like sunburn...or too many freckles...

MIKE:

I have TOO many freckles....which is why I'm single.

COURTNEY:

I don't like Poison Ivy...or long toe nails...or people who blame their problems on anything that has nothing to do with them.

MIKE:

I don't like people who get jealous of babies that get more attention than them.

COURTNEY:

I don't like having one ear clogged so my hearing is annoyingly off balance.

MIKE:

I don't like buffalo wings...they make me uncomfortable...and I feel dirty after eating them.

COURTNEY:

I don't like that all frosting has trans fat in it...I don't like cellulite especially on skinny people...it is upsetting

MIKE:

I don't like drinks that sound good, but taste horrible...I don't like when ugly girls trick you on facebook by having a hot friend in the picture and somehow manage to crop themselves out of the thumbnail so when they comment on stuff THEY look like the hot one! Especially with today's facebook...you really have to try to get yourself cropped out of the thumbnail.

COURTNEY:

I don't like when people ask questions throughout a TV show or movie...commercials are the perfect time to play catch up.

MIKE:

I don't like when you tell someone you haven't seen a movie or TV show...or heard a song...and they go nuts on you...Alternatively I love going nuts on people when they say they haven't seen or heard something.

COURTNEY:

I don't like comedians who swear a lot and talk about sex in graphic detail...I don't find it funny.

MIKE:

I don't like being at a four-way Stop Sign and the person who has the right of way refuses to go, then you finally say "fuck it" and hit the gas pedal, but then they start to go so you have to abruptly stop, then THEY stop and you're back to square one.

COURTNEY:

I don't like people who put their blinkers on too late.

MIKE:

I don't like people who put their blinkers on to change lanes then never turn it off.

COURTNEY:

I don't like people who pull out in front of you when there are no cars behind you. Why can't they just wait for you to drive by?

MIKE:

I don't like when you haven't been working out and someone asks if you have been working out...it makes me feel like they are making fun of me...like "HEY FATASS YOU BEEN WORKING OUT? DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT FROM HERE!"

COURTNEY:

I don't like when people say "You look skinny. Have you been eating?" SHIT! No I haven't....I knew I forgot something!

MIKE:

I don't like when people you barely know talk to you about stuff like politics or religion as if they think you automatically follow their beliefs...So to avoid any debates you just nod your head and say "yep...sure is a crazy world."

COURTNEY:

I don't like when professors are so upset about you not attending class when they are getting paid the same amount of money either way.

MIKE:

I don't like when your phone is dead and you don't respond to a text...and by the time you get your phone on you have 23 texts from one person gradually growing more and more upset with you for not responding to their text...and by the 23rd text you've lost your girlfriend and you're heartbroken and you're single for the next three years....

COURTNEY:

I hate when you always take pictures of people but no one ever has a camera around to take pictures of you, so you have to take your own pictures of yourself...and I hate when you break your phone and lose all your contacts and can't get in touch with people to hang out, but are okay with it because you think they'll eventually text you or call you to hang out or say "hi" but they never do.

MIKE:

I hate when you find out a girl has sent nudes to a bunch of guys...but she won't send any to you...so you have to pretend you're working on an art project and you need a nude model...then the cops show up at your house with a restraining order because you started setting up a photo shoot on her back porch.

COURTNEY:

Ummm...Mikey...is that something you thought about doing and then your imagination also imagined the reprocussions?

MIKE:

Yes?

COURTNEY:

Alrighty then. Tata.

So that ended a little awkwardly. My bad.

I should be posting more in a bit...Check back soon...this blogger is gonna start blogging more.

Follow me on twitter: @MMartinWrites Leave a comment below and share with your friends. And if you've liked what you've read so far on this site and look forward to reading more, you might also like my book Rock Beats Paper available on Amazon.

It's been a while...and I have no excuse.

Well, it has been far too long ladies. You all have been asking, sometimes begging, sometimes sending me inappropriate pictures...with the words "Write A New Blog" Sharpie'd on your stomach...but I just haven't gotten around to it. I guess after writing a blog that was over 10,000 words...I burnt myself out. A lot's been going on, and upon reflection I wish I was keeping you posted as it's been happening...so...let's go back in time some...and see what we've been missing.

LIFE:

My niece went from calling me "Michael" to "Uncle Mike" it is the most beautiful thing I could possibly hear.

I became a split employee. Which means, I managed the computer store my brother and I opened, while also delivering pizza's for a Cobblestone Pizza right down the parking lot. It was interesting, and I find I quite enjoyed it.

I got arrested for possession of Marijuana. Not my proudest moment...but it happened...and I handled it like an adult. One humorous part of this however is that I have to pay a fine by July 29th, or I'll be put in jail...what is the fine for this possession charge? $420. Laugh.

I moved back to Connecticut for a job, then the job fell through...more on this later.

ENTERTAINMENT:

I've become quite fond of Karaoke. My favorite songs? "Under The Bridge" by RHCP and "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.

I have been going back and forth on whether or not to return to wrestling...but in order to do it...or, that is to say...if I were to do it...I'd need to lose this weight I picked up in Chicago.

My book hasn't been doing well unfortunately. I think I've sold maybe five more copies since my last post.

I've gotten a handful of new shows I enjoy. The Walking Dead (AMC) Sons of Anarchy (FX) The Killing (AMC) Game Of Thrones (HBO) Parks and Recreation (NBC)...and I'm sure there's more but it's 9am. Cut me some slack.

WOMEN:

I miss my Mom.

I miss my Sister.

I REALLY miss my little Lexi...the most adorable little girl in the world.

I had a little time to think about stuff...right about now in the past couple of days you would have seen a story that pretty much exposed someone's dirty laundry I guess you could say.

That person threatened me so I took it down and replaced it with a more direct opinion towards them...but in the time since I've had time to do some thinking...and while I am still extremely upset with that person, she obviously in my opinion is going through a lot of hard times. I don't want to add to that. That's not what I'm about. Instead I'll just appreciate the time I had that was good with her...and leave her be to experience the consequences of the choices she's making. I once really cared about this person. I worried about her...but she has decided I am not the kind of person she wants in her life. I respect that, and respectfully back off from adding to the bull shit she is going through. I do not apologize for my comments. But I apologize for my actions. Not to her...to myself. That is not who I am, and I shouldn't have stooped to such a low.


MOVING ON THEN. LET'S TALK ABOUT REBECCA BLACK!

It is most definitely Friday, Friday. And I am looking forward to the weekend, weekend...

On one fateful Friday, the world was introduced to 13 year old Rebecca Black. Immediately her video for her first single "Friday" went viral, for the same reason many other videos do. Humans, specifically American Humans, love to watch a good Fail. This video had Fail Written all over it. I couldn't believe that a song so idiotic would be made. But upon looking into things, I found that the group that made the video pretty much make a video for anyone willing to pay for it. Pretty cool I guess. The epic amount of fail this video embodies is rare. From the annoying smile, to the annoying beat, the annoying lyrics, to the annoying cinematography, the annoying rapper who doesn't rhyme, to the 13 year old's driving around. There was so much fail that this girl could have likely just killed herself.

But that wasn't to happen. No. Instead this fragile 13 year old girl embraced the fail and has since gone on to carry out one of the most EPIC REDEMPTIONS in Internet Viral History. All the great fails in IVH have never recovered like young RB did. The lady who fell while stomping the grapes. Never recovered. The afro-ninja who fell flat on his face. Never recovered. The fat ass chick who fell off a table. Never recovered.

But Rebecca Black did, by teaming up with Funny or Die. I will post the videos here, but first let me just say this about Funny or Die.

I haven't been keeping up with Funny or Die since it's inception. I just haven't. There's a lot of original content, and most of it is over 3 mins long, I just want quick videos of people failing at life or winning, duh. I don't want 3 minute sketches with famous people...well...I do...but...not constantly...I'm rarely in the mood to hit up Funny or Die and mostly forget about it's existence. If I want to partake in lolz I head over to CollegeHumor. But I mostly go there for the user uploads, never the originals...the originals, I'll watch them if the title intrigues me, but mostly I'll pass on them. However where the CH team fails, the FoD team prospers. CH will take celebrities mainstream or viral(like Rebecca Black) and have one of their resident CH castmembers play them. Well FoD wins...becuase instead of dressing a guy or girl up to pretend to be Rebecca Black...they just went ahead and brought in Rebecca Black for a series of videos that wins so hard, you actually begin to appreciate her, and maybe even like her a bit...

FRIDAY LYRICS ANALYZED w/ REBECCA BLACK

Friday Lyrics Analyzed with Rebecca Black from Rebecca Black

BETWIXT THE MUSIC: REBECCA BLACK

Betwixt The Music: Rebecca Black from Rebecca Black

REBECCA BLACK'S GREATEST HITS

Rebecca Black's Greatest Hits from Rebecca Black

WHICH SEAT SHOULD I TAKE? w/ REBECCA BLACK

Which Seat Should I Take? w/ Rebecca Black from Rebecca Black

SUNDAY COMES AFTERWARDS STARRING REBECCA BLACK

Sunday Comes Afterwards Starring Rebecca Black from Rebecca Black

The fact that she was able to take all of this hatred thrown her way and make these funny videos is truly a testament to her character. She laughs at herself with us and does an awesome job at it. This series of videos took probably the leading candidate for most annoying person of the year, and put her in the bottom three in that category. Because let's face it, even though she did these videos, her voice is still mega annoying. Nonetheless I give her props and respect. Awesome job FoD and RB.

Well...that's about all I have for today kiddies. Check back soon I'm sure I'll be posting more that I got the bug again.

Ciao.

I love you.

-Mike.

Follow me on twitter: @MMartinWrites Leave a comment below and share with your friends. And if you've liked what you've read so far on this site and look forward to reading more, you might also like my book Rock Beats Paper available on Amazon.