Well I have been regretting the fact that I didn't post yesterday...
Maybe "regret" is a stretch, but I've been feeling like shit about it. Sure there's probably only 2 people that will read this...and maybe only one that will read past these first few sentences, but...I said I would be posting every day for the next week...and I haven't lived up to that. So...This is something I started to work on last night. I can't say a lot of thought went into this, but I definitely love these songs and have a certain emotional attachment to them all. Whether it was a song that got me through a heartbreak, or a emotional drunken breakdown that got me to cry...these songs are songs that brought out the tears.
Here are 10 Random Songs In Random Order That I'm Not Ashamed To Admit I've Cried To:
10. Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter
Ah, This song.....I am pretty sure this song is the only song I've ever listened to from this guy. It's a song that got me to watch the film "Closer" which I didn't really watch because I was having sex with my girlfriend Joanna. But this song also brought tears to my eyes when listening to it after she broke my heart and started to date the worst possible person I could have imagined for her...Tomas Otero...though some of you might know him as BMT. Now, don't get me wrong...BMT and I are great friends now, but once upon a time, we were bitter rivals. He took the most beautiful and amazing girl I have ever met and in my eyes...overnight...turned her into a dirty bitch. I was wrong to judge, but BMT is a great guy with a great Fiancée. But that's neither here nor there...the point is...I cried...and it could have been because I was heartbroken, or because I was missing the sex...which this song must be associated with because of "Closer" but either way...I cried, thus, this song is on the list. Regardless of the emotional turmoil this song put me through in that Summer of '06, it is a terribly beautiful song.
9. Blink 182 - Adam's Song
Let's not be ridiculous. This song is amazing. Any loser like me who was in High School when this song came out was REALLY lucky...unfortunately I was a few years shy of High School, thus I couldn't really grasp the deep emotional context of the song...but there came a time in which I was in High School...and I didn't have a love life...and like anyone who wasn't the most attractive kid in school can tell you...not being a heart-throb was reason to be suicidal. This song hit hard. Still does, though for different reasons. I remember crying to this song because random girls weren't in love with me...but I also remember being out of High School, at age 20 driving around with my mom and having just recently lost my cousin Shelly, I was very confused about life and why she died, yet some people are still here. I couldn't really get a grasp on how amazing it is to be alive, and how intense the finality of death was. I was thinking about death constantly. I was thinking about a lot of dark things...then this song came on...and the lump in my throat was about as painful as the cracks in my heart. That was the last time I cried to this song. It's a really powerful song that got me through many a lonely days after school sitting on my brother's computer waiting for whatever girl I was crushing on at the time to sign-on to AIM so I could try to develop a romance with her. It didn't ever really come to romances all that often, but either way, I always had Adam's Song.
8. Death Cab For Cutie - Follow You Into The Dark
The mind is a crazy vessel that brings about crazy thoughts that entices inexplicable emotions. Such is the case the night this song made me cry. I was going through some hard times at the bitter end of 2009. Did I want to leave CT? Was it worth staying? Did I really want to put the final nail in the coffin holding my relationship with the girl I was deeply in love with for almost 5 years? This song, though I can't really pinpoint what about it made me cry, resonated with me. I was driving back to the Battle House -- which was the nickname I gave the home of the family I was staying with -- from my terrible job that was physically, emotionally, and morally draining, and this song was on a CD that was playing...and I broke down. I pulled off to the side of the road and just sat there contemplating my decision. I was going back and forth with myself a lot. I would try to find an excuse to stay, like the fact that Joey Bricco and I were in line to win the Tag Team Championships for UWD...a promotion I worked my ass off for and never got an ounce of acknowledgement. I kept thinking that maybe Renee would turn around and take me back. I wasn't desperate to have her back, our last month or so together was quite horrible compared to the months previous...but if she would have me back, I'd be happy to be in that situation again. I didn't want to leave behind my friends. I sincerely believed, quite egotistically that I was my friend Adam's only friend. Only true friend that is. And I felt that if I was gone, it could be something that might cause a break down with him. He's got a lot of people around him that love him, but there were many times he confided stuff in me, and I just was worried me leaving would in a way, break his heart. Luckily Tim Van Dusen(spelling?) Otherwise known as Logic in the CT Hip-Hop scene....was there for him, and in many ways changed Adam's life forever, to which I am very grateful of Logic. I want to move on with this list...but the night in which I cried to this song was a very emotionally powerful night and it made me love this song even more than I already did.
7. Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out
This is the result of a drunken night filled with confusion and depression. I was going through a pretty ugly time in my life. I was alone despite having some kind of girlfriend in a lovely young lady named Steph. We were drifting apart due to reasons I care not to discuss, all I can say is I can't blame her. I was living alone in a huge house with only a typically frustrating dog. After losing her and reflecting on it I realized that I pretty much made it out to be that she was obligated to be around all the time cause I stayed in CT and I was with her, and had no one else. It was bad shit, and I am ashamed that I acted so foolishly. Regardless, at the precise moment this song came on I was several glasses of Vodka into the night, and very emotional. I started to record a video and decided to play music in the background as I angrily and almost violently screamed at her through a camera lens, knowing she wouldn't ever see it (she did) and hoping that through transmitting this anger I could let it go and start treating her better rather than blaming her for my unhappiness. Then this song started, to which I drunkenly sang along too while going against what the song is actually telling me to do. I've loved this song for a long time just because it's a good song, but now when I hear it, I am reminded of how I felt that night, and it kind of keeps me aware of how I treat others, especially significant ones.
6. Johnny Cash - Hurt
This song matched with this video and a dream the previous night about my dad dying had me in tears. This isn't the full song, but I wanted to include the video which sparked the tears through the song. No other song would have fit this video package. It embodies Eddie perfectly. His struggles with addiction and his love for wrestling, all leading to his death. Also thinking about Johnny Cash, and this being recorded in the final years of his life tells a completely different story than the original version of the song by the Nine Inch Nails. Watching the video again just now to make sure it was the right one had me choked up again, and I really don't know exactly what it is about it. Maybe it's because I could relate to his passion for wrestling, but knowing that he is dead now probably only because of his passion for wrestling really hits me hard. I don't really know what else to say. I loved this video and I love this song. This version of Hurt is probably one of my favorite songs of all time.
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge
This song has always been one of my all time favorites, but it never really made me cry until reading "Scar Tissue" by RHCP frontman Anthony Kiedis. After reading about what this song meant to him at the time, how he wrote it as a poem, and then was kind of talked into turning it into a song in which he would have to sing and everything that was going on at that time. How it was about his drug addiction and recovering from it, and never wanting to be back in that dark place again...all of that...then knowing he relapsed...when I heard it, made me break down because it made me think about myself and how I was once adamantly drug free and then to become someone who was dependent on alcohol and marijuana to stay happy, which hardly ever worked anyway, made me feel fortunate that I didn't get deeper into addiction with more harmful poisons. This song was great before and elevated to a whole new level for me after my cry-sesh.
4. Dashboard Confessional - Ghost Of A Good Thing
Another post heartbreak song that made me cry. This time it was losing the girl I was very fond of to drugs. She probably was the most genuine and good and pure soul I've ever shared love with. Then it was over and I kept trying to get her back but she loved drugs more and the scum bag that got her going on them. The title says it all "Ghost Of A Good Thing" that's really what I was chasing. I wanted to get back the girl who essentially showed me how powerful, beautiful and amazing sex can be. I wanted to continue my life with her being a part of it. But she wasn't who I was longing for anymore. She was disconnected from anything we once had. It was never coming back. Years later I would travel to her mom's house to tell them of the passing of Tucker, the dog that was once theirs that I ended up taking in to save him from being put to sleep because her mother didn't see the point in caring for a blind dog. I didn't have her number anymore so I just drove there. Her mother didn't even let me in claiming to be deathly ill, so she hung out a bedroom window to talk to me. She told me she hasn't seen Lauren in over a year and she's still with the druggie prick she left me for. She gave me her number and told me to do her a favor and try to get back in her life. I called Lauren and she didn't even know who I was, even after giving her my first and last name. We spent close to eight months together. I had to tell her I was the one who took Tucker in. To which I then had to tell her it was once her dog. She then acted all enthused and asked me what was up. I told her of Tucker's death to which she didn't even care. Then she said she had to go. I deleted her number from my phone. I was almost heartbroken again.
3. Foo Fighters - Everlong
This was a feel good cry-sesh. I had just finished up an appearance for DPW as a member of Anarchy...and I was going back to my large house where my girlfriend Renee, who I was chasing for 4 years before we finally got together, was waiting for me with a bunch of her friends so we can get drunk and her and I would later have the usual amazing sex we were having every night. I was feeling high on life at this point after being so low just a few short months before. Little did I know my life was going to get much lower than ever, but at this point I was on top of the world. I had an awesome match and I was going to have an awesome night with people I loved. Okay, I didn't really care for her friends. But I loved her and I was happy as hell to be experiencing whatever it was I'd be experiencing as long as it was with her. This wasn't so much a ball my eyes out cry...I got choked up, and felt really good, and was purely happy...and this song was exactly what I was feeling. I waited for Renee for what felt like an eternity, and now we were together, and if everything could ever be that good again, I'd be surprised...cause life was amazing at this point.
2. Frou Frou - Let Go
I was never really "emo" per-se. I never have and never will really like "Screamo" music, or bands like Fall Out Boy...I never got into that shit, but I guess if emo was a term for guys like me who get over-emotional about random shit, then not have it really affect his life, or look for attention off of it (says the guy dedicating a blog to crying to songs...as if this will get me laid) then I guess this song made me cry during my "emo" phase. This song isn't really sad or anything...but there's one line..."there's beauty in the breakdown" I don't really know what Imogen Heap, the lead singer of Frou Frou meant by that...maybe she meant the breakdown of a song, but...I was emotionally distressed and on the verge of a breakdown, and upon being told there's beauty in the breakdown, it triggered some kind of feeling in me and the tears came. I wasn't really in any kind of heartbreak at the time. I remember having crushes, and longing for one of my best friends to discover she loves me. Something that never happened. But, this song had me break down, which made me feel like I had a beautiful moment, and life went on.
1. Weezer - Say It Ain't So
I can't recall how many times this song brought me close to tears or flat out had me cry. I have so much personal history with this song. I first heard it in the Senate "Standfast" Skate Video in like, 1998 or 99. Then during my life in CT, the early years it got me through some tough nights when I was missing Chicago, Then as I got older it got me through loves that were never meant to be, and it got me through a close personal friend's death after she was killed in a drive-by shooting. I love this song so much, it is definitely my favorite song of all time.
0. Four Year Strong - One Step At A Time (Acoustic)
A few things to mention. First...I understand I am inserting an 11th song. Well Call Number 0 an honorable mention. I didn't include it in the main list because I only just heard it around October 20th when my friend Jeremy Leary (who I didn't say happy birthday to last week...sorry bro!) posted it for our mutual friend Mike Milano. Second, don't let their goofy costumes fool you. This song is powerful. Their get-up is due to them performing this on "Flag Day". Okay...moving on...
This song was significant in me coping with the loss of a friend of mine, a mentor if you will. I don't know what to call him, he was very important in my life. And he left behind some great kids and an awesome woman who loved him whole-heartedly. Yet, I was 800 miles away and unable to really accept it or be faced with the reality of it. Then Dirt Dawg posted this video. I watched it, and it helped me deal with the pain I was feeling and allowed me to finally cry. Something I wasn't able to do before due to not really being able to feel his loss having not really been around him for much over the last year. This song is a really beautiful song and I recommend it to anyone who has lost someone close to them.
0.5. Christina Perri - Jar Of Hearts
Okay, so I could have done a list of 12 Random Songs in Random Order, but I didn't, I chose to do 10 and realized there were more. Sorry.
This song I have only heard recently, but the first time I saw this video, heard this song, I was just always depressed about something. I was sitting in my office, and not making any money, my life was not where I wanted it. And this song...her emotion, her raw beauty, and the choreography is completely beautiful. I wasn't theatrically crying. but tears came down my cheek. That's a cry. I cried.
I'm a bitch.
0.5. Christina Perri - Jar Of Hearts
This song I have only heard recently, but the first time I saw this video, heard this song, I was just always depressed about something. I was sitting in my office, and not making any money, my life was not where I wanted it. And this song...her emotion, her raw beauty, and the choreography is completely beautiful. I wasn't theatrically crying. but tears came down my cheek. That's a cry. I cried.
I'm a bitch.
Well...that's my list. I hope whoever ended up reading and listening to everything enjoyed my insight and everything, and maybe next time you need a good cry...you can come back here, and listen to one, or all of these songs.
-Mike
