I Have It Within.

I found something today that made me smile. It was the ideas I had my sister write down as we drove to Connecticut in January of 2010. It might be sloppy and confusing at some points...but this sheet and a half of unclear idea, grew into my first novel:

 

I think that's some pretty cool shit right there. But this smile turned into a frown with which I had to ask myself "Mike, what the FUCK are you doing?" I wrote a book, it has sold 28 copies online, and a handful of other people have them. That's not enough. I need to go out there and get this book out into the public and let people know it exists...that I exist through it. I often leave myself pondering, if I'm using my time wisely? I spend about an hour and a half stumbling through StumbleUpon. I kept telling myself I could be using that time to do more...instead, I've decided to give that time a cause and now use what I stumble as a part of this blog. Great, but now what? I am spending time writing this blog. Which in my mind, should it catch on, could open my potential book sales up to thousands of people, who then may spread the word to thousands of people. That'd be great. But I'm worried that I am wasting time on caring for this blog while I could be sending out shit to get people to read my book. I don't know what I'm doing! Then comes the part where I'm thinking, I need to follow this book up with something else. I have two more books I want to write. They're inside me, and I want them out. But I feel like, if I can't even get more than 28 people to buy my book, I should not worry about writing a second one. Is that foolish? I have started deep preliminary work on my next novel. But I don't work on it at a steady rate. I don't know why I can't stay focused. I am proud as hell of myself, at least I think I am. I think a large part of the problem is that I don't believe in myself.

Yes, I know it's a tad generic to claim I don't believe in myself. But isn't that the truth. And you can counter that saying; "If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect others to?" or some shit to that extent, to which I say "I don't." I may try to FORCE people to believe in me by spreading my work through the bowels of the internet, but no one ever really does. They don't believe in me. Alternatively, I think, maybe they aren't really sure they have a voice. Why wouldn't someone copy and paste a link into their facebook or twitter? Maybe they think doing that won't matter. Maybe they feel they can't reach out to enough people, so whether they do it or not won't have an impact either way. I don't know, I can't figure out why someone wouldn't do something so simple when asked. Maybe that will be my next "Things That Puzzle Me:" column. I could do a whole book on not receiving the support from my peers that I see others do for complete strangers. 

Then it breaks down to this: Maybe I'm worth shit. 

Take Books of Adam. He has a blog right here, hosted on Blogger. He is as successful with it that I wish to be. Though I have no idea why. If you read his posts, I think they are very similar to my personality, hell...they pretty much are all from my point of view, I mean, I think him and I have a similar outlook on life. I can probably even draw! I mean I know I can draw, I've done some pretty cool art, though it's not really art, I just kind of...redraw something...I don't know, but I can draw. That's beside the point. He has a HUGE following. People love his posts...people love him. And after people read his shit, they post it for their friends to see...likely with something like "This shit is funny!" then a large number of their friends will click on it, and Adam just got a whole shitload of more friends. How do I make that happen? I think my blogs (save this one) are pretty well done. Most of them have an honest humor to them, and despite their overall theme have a pretty light-hearted outlook. Of course I'm throwing a pity party for myself to which no one has come even though everyone has been invited! 

I am just at wit's end. Is it "wits?" I don't know. 

The title of this post is "I have it within" It's kind of obscure, but I'm talking about overall talent. I have a ton to offer this world. Why am I not making an impact. Why is no one hearing my voice? What do I have to do? 

To answer my own question...I have to believe that people WANT to hear my voice. Not literally, because I tend to think my voice is quite annoying, and I might have a stuttering issue, not so much a s-s-stutter, but I tend to fuck up words while pronouncing them, which...I don't know what it's called so I called it a stutter. Either way...I have to believe that what I do, with my talents, is something others would find worthy of their time. That sounds easy, all it should take is a simple "Believe in yourself" moment. Speech. Epiphany, whatever...

It's not that easy...so how do I come to that? I don't know. But I hope I find out soon. I need to find out soon.

This was a shitty post in all likelihood. Tomorrow will be a new "Things I Am Puzzled By:"

For now I leave you with my stumble of the day:

The Lonely Island ft. Akon - I Just Had Sex



Come back tomorrow!

-Mike

Follow me on twitter: @MMartinWrites 
Leave a comment below and share with your friends.
And if you've liked what you've read so far on this site and look forward to reading more, you might also like my book Rock Beats Paper available on Amazon.

10 Amazing Mash-Ups You've Never Heard.

 I wanted to do a "Life Post" today; meaning I wanted to write about stuff that's going on. But, I came upon these amazing songs and I just had to share them. So I'm going to share them. I'm going to also introduce a new feature at the end of this post that I will also be including at the end of every post. It will be that day's "Stumble Of The Day" using StumbleUpon.

Before we get going. I would like to just say "BEAR DOWN!"

Now that I got that off of my chest, let's move on to the point of this post. Please allow the page to load. The songs are in the post. No need to click on links to go listen to it elsewhere. And now...

10 Amazing Mash-Ups You've Never Heard.

1. Beyonce/Paramore - Brick Halo

Beyonce Vs Paramore - Brick Halo (Rock Dance Mix) DJ Schmolli by Mixes and Mashups #1

What do you get when you take a band with a sexy vocalist and throw in one of Beyonce's most powerful ballads? You get this awesome clash of Halo and Paramore's "Brick By Boring Brick"

2. The Beatles/Nine Inch Nails - Let's All Cum Together On Her Face

The Beatles Vs Nine Inch Nails - Lets All Cum Together On Her Face (mix\mashup) DJ Zebra by Mixes and Mashups #1

Thought I don't really like the name of this mash-up, I do love the way it mixes so well together. I don't often condone modifying such a perfect song as "Come Together." I can't say I feel this mix makes either song better than it was in it's original form, but it definitely brings it to a different level of enjoyment. I've always wanted to make love to the sound of The Beatles, but for some reason "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" doesn't cut it for baby-making. Finally thanks to DJ Zebra, my dreams can come true.

3. Jay-Z/Jimmy Hendrix - VooDoo Problems

Jay Z vs. Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Problems (TimG Mash) by AlienigenasNaAmerica

I love Jay-Z...and I believe, like so many others in the world that Hendrix is one of the most raw, pure, and amazing guitarists to ever have lived. I was not prepared for the epic-ness of this track. This song is so bad ass. I can't say enough about it. Don't skip this song.

4. The Beatles/Oasis - Let It Be In Anger

The Beatles Vs. Oasis - Let it be in Anger ( Mix\Mashup ) DJ Y alias JY by Mixes and Mashups #2

Two amazing bands. Mixed into one amazing track. It doesn't have that epic impact that the Jigga Hendrix mix does...but it's beautifully done, and I loved it.

5. Linkin Park/Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake - Carry Out Points Of The Authority

Linkin Park vs Timbaland ft Justin Timberlake - Carry Out Points Of The Authority(Rock Mix) DJ Ryson by Mixes and Mashups #3

Linkin Park was one of my favorite bands as a young lad. One Step Closer for some strange, yet fitting reason, was the "song" for my relationship with a girl when I was 13. It was on, and she said "could this be our song?" I didn't know (and still don't) how to say "no" to a girl, so I said "sure." Our relationship was terrible. In recent years I have developed a man-crush on Justin Timberlake. Look at him. Yeah, sexy. This song is a little bit messy, but it's cool as hell to me.


6. Eminem ft. Justin Timberlake - Superman (What Goes Around)

Eminem Ft Justin Timberlake - Superman (What Goes Around Mix) DJXtreme by Mixes and Mashups #3

Since I was on Justin's nuts as it is, let's throw another one up here. With another artist I listened to at the same time as Linkin Park. This song works. Ridiculously well, except for the chorus where he repeats "superman" repeatedly. It's off. The rest is perfect.


7. Rage Against The Machine/Electric Six - No To The Gay Bar Idea

Rage Against The Machine VS Electric Six - No To the Gay Bar Idea (Rock Mix) by Mixes and Mashups #3

I've never heard of Electric Six. But this mash-up is hysterical. Give it a listen.

8. Jay-Z/Three Days Grace - Just Like A PSA

Jay-Z Vs. 3 Days Grace - Just Like A PSA (Rock hiphop mashup) al-b3.com by Mixes and Mashups #3

Yes, Jay-Z again. I don't know what it is about this dude, but his work feels so right over riffs. This song is bad ass. I expect to see someone reading this eventually use it as entrance music for wrestling...If you can find a way to download it.

9. The White Stripes/Led Zeppelin - Icky Kinky Love

 
White Stripes Vs Led Zeppelin - Icky Kinky Love (Rock Mashup) DJ Zebra by Mixes and Mashups #3

What a perfect match! This song is rough around the edges, and I wouldn't expect anything else.

10. Dave Matthews Band/Beyonce - Let's Work It Out

Beyonce vs. Dave Matthews - Lets Work It Out <3 (Chill mix) by Lenlow by Mixes and Mashups #3

I sincerely think I saved the best for last. This song just works. I love it. It was meant to exist. It sounds like they recorded it together, and it works perfectly. I love it. Beyonce's voice just fits in with everything so well, and Dave's soothing vibe just makes it so wonderful. Enjoy it. I sure as hell did.

Well folks. I enjoyed finding, listening to, and sharing these songs with you. You can probably click on the links with each song, and find more, but I feel those were the 10 Best, at least that I enjoy. I hope you enjoyed it too.

Now without further ado...

Our Newest Only Feature:

Unlike Billy Joel, She Started The Fire.

12 Signs That Your Kid Will Be A Super Villain

This isn't going to be the kind of thing I usually will post, but I was sort of in a hurry. These pictures are funny, but this isn't really a informal page. I didn't leave the page knowing how to tell if my kid will be a super villain. In fact all of the pictures show that those kids are already super villains. There's nothing the parents can do about it. I was hoping for some information telling me the actual signs, or symptoms...Anything that will tell me what to do about my kid. More importantly how to fix it. When I do have kids, I hope they don't become super villains. If they do, I will be disappointed, though I will not be rude and refuse any money my kids offer me, that they have gotten from their villainous plans to destroy the world. Though, I wonder if super villains with parents would even give a damn about them. I would hope so. But then again, judging by the way most of the youth of this country acts at this point...I can only expect that 90% of the children born by the time I have kids, will likely become something similar to super villains. I won't rant about the youth of America here. I'll save that for another day. Go to the site. And enjoy it. There's nothing but a handful of pictures...so...it shouldn't be THAT hard to enjoy.

That's all for today kids.  


-Mike

Follow me on twitter: @MMartinWrites 
Leave a comment below and share with your friends.
And if you've liked what you've read so far on this site and look forward to reading more, you might also like my book Rock Beats Paper available on Amazon.

Things I Am Puzzled By: Clapping

Here's a funny thing, as far as I know, no one has read my post from yesterday. If anyone has, they haven't responded about it. What ever happened to the way it was when LiveJournal was hot? Not only did a shitload of people read it, but they would comment on it. That kind of shit was good times. Now, I gotta beg for people to read what I feel is much better writing than that in which I poured into LiveJournal.

Either way, today's post is titled; "Things I Am Puzzled By: Clapping" This may or may not be the first in a series of posts...so don't look too far into the way I worded the title...Just...read...

CLAPPING 

This is something EVERYONE does. It's oddly become a part of society, but I have no idea why. If you think about it, clapping is really quite silly. Clapping is us simply taking our hands and...well...clapping them together to make a loud noise. It is otherwise known as "applauding," but clapping serves other purposes. Not only do we do it to show approval, but many people, including cast members of the Jersey Shore, my sister Shannon, and just about every guest on Maury uses a clap, sometimes thrusting the back of one hand into the palm of another to show anger as they defend their side of an argument. Some people see it as a way to intimidate their opposer, I just think it's flat out annoying...especially if done along each syllable of what they're saying. There's also speed clapping which many people do competitively. I think I've seen it on ESPN 8: "The Ocho." The world record for the most claps in sixty seconds is 806, which is held by Tim Ahlstrom of the United States. I think it is just ridiculous to clap. Especially competitively. But hey, then again, that fucker's on Wikipedia, I'm not.

Random People Clapping For No Reason

Clapping is also used in music. It could be a crowd going along to a live performance, or it could be a sound sample placed into the beat of a song. Usually hip-hop. The latter is something I don't much care for if done excessively, but otherwise is okay. The former however is just something I flat out dislike. I really don't like when a musician instructs the crowd in which I am a member of to clap our hands. Not only is it a reason for the smelly fat fuck next to me to raise his arms revealing a disgusting smell since he's been high on shrooms since 3:30 that afternoon...but I definitely don't want to clap along with any of these people. Doing what they're told just because some guy asked them to. But I do it, cause I don't want to be the one dick-head that doesn't do it. So I clap along in rhythm, which is hard for me to do...since I'm not musically talented in the least. So now instead of enjoying the music at a concert I paid top dollar to enjoy, I am feeling stressed out about whether or not I'm on beat. I start thinking about how the same guy that is telling us to clap has an ear piece in his ear in order to not be off beat with whatever re-verb might be taking place. Well I don't have an ear piece, and there's a lot of people clapping, What if I start hearing claps from across the arena and clap to those making me a second off the actual clap that everyone is doing? This is unacceptable. Especially if this is a concert that is being filmed for TV or DVD or something, cause then I have to worry if the camera that is scanning the crowd is going to pick me up as I am all off beat while the thousands of people who are clapping are all in beautiful harmony. Then when my moment on the DVD comes up it will be rewound and replayed dozens of times while people laugh. My cousins might TiVO it and play it on loop at Thanksgiving. I can't handle it. 

Also, politicians clap at rallies, people clap at Church, fans clap at sporting events. The Clap is everywhere and I'm not talking about what my ex-girlfriend is spreading. I just don't understand it. I really hardly ever believe anyone ever wants to be clapping in the first place. Especially while sitting through a reading of a list of people being recognized. Every time a name is called there's a clap. HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION! Perfect example! As each student's name is called the people viewing this major life moment all clap. Then after mere seconds, the applause simmers, another name is read...and we're back to applause. Meanwhile Grandma Edna with the Arthritis is suffering through the pain wondering why more kids didn't drop-out.

Or how about formal gatherings that teenagers who don't want to be there are attending. Say a wedding or something. Those fucking pricks always have to do that "last clap" people clap for a while as the bride and groom kiss...the clapping obviously ends...but then little Kyle does his "last clap" while his younger cousin Tim at the other end of the church thinks "oh no fucking way is Kyle getting the last clap." So he claps. Then Uncle Frank who never grew up figures neither of them know what to do with a vagina so he'll clap. He does. To which he realizes he doesn't really know what to do with a vagina either which could be why he's divorced, so feeling bad for taking the undeserved last clap he shoots himself later that night. Now we have a funeral to go to which NO ONE will be clapping at. Way to go Kyle. 

I don't like standing ovations, they're just awkward. If you're the first one up, and no one else is standing, you can't sit back down. You're committed. So you just have to stand there and clap. Hoping someone else will stand up. Or if you're the last to stand up, you can only take solace that the people everyone's standing for can't see you. I usually only participate in standing ovations at Stage Plays. Only for the sole purpose of seeing all the cleavage as the actresses bow. The audience is pitch black from the stage so...it's like a free sample. I scout out which of the girls is hottest. And having been involved with acting in High School I know all these girls are horny as fuck and desperate cause they're usually stuck up and annoying bitches, so when I pick the one I like best, as everyone begins to sit back down or do whatever it is they're doing I reach under the seat in front of me and pick up the flowers. Wait outside the dressing room exit, and give them to my horny slut "Juliet." Here's a tip if you're going to try this. Always make sure the flowers aren't personalized. Chances are if they're not for her, they were meant for one of the other bitches that she hates because that bitch has blown the director more. Just a tip.

Sly was arrested in Australia in 2007 for reportedly
importing steroids. The truth is he actually led a
standing ovation after a screening of Rocky back in
the 70's. The Aussies have been out to get him
ever since.

But potentially the WORST clap of all is the "Credits Clap." I have broken up with girls, and stopped talking to close friends for committing this crime. What crime you ask? Movie Credits roll. The lights in the theater come up and people are clapping. WHAT THE FUCK!? In all of the aforementioned situations, clapping, though being completely stupid, has served the purpose of at least showing whoever or whatever you're clapping at that you are appreciative of their contribution to the night, event, or whatever. But in a fucking movie theater, no one who was involved in the film is going to hear you clap unless it's the red carpet premiere or one of the illustrious film festivals, in that case, clap if you so feel compelled. But if you're in a theater, opening night, in some random town, why are you clapping at a fucking screen? No one else cares that you appreciate the movie. Fuck off. The thing that keeps me from losing all hope in this country is that it's never really an uproar, the entire audience never really joins. The four geeks in the eighth row with their boners still fresh from Frodo and his friends all jumping on the bed and what not begin to clap, and a few other people out of instinct begin to clap and then realize they probably look like idiots and stop. I don't hate them for muscle memory. I hate them for not having the strength to realize what is happening and stop themselves from clapping.

Heath Ledger clapping as The Joker in
"The Dark Knight"

There is a bright side to clapping however. Heath Ledger clapping as The Joker in "The Dark Knight" was awesome just because it was Heath Ledger clapping as The Joker in "The Dark Knight." Then of course there's the "Slow Clap." The slow clap is actually just a reverse "Last Clap," However...the "Slow Clap" happens at moments following epic moments. If you've ever wondered "Did I just have an Epic Moment?" then this is how you can find out. After said moment, was there a slow clap? If yes, then yes you did just have an epic moment. If no, then maybe you should stop thinking about how epic of a moment you've had and start working on getting laid more you fucking geek. But really. In all seriousness. I love the slow clap. It's a magical experience. The slow clap in itself is an epic moment which kicks total ass because that's just a ridiculous amount of epic moments happening at once. When you're in a crowd, and a slow clap begins...you get excited. You're like "HOLY SHIT WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO 

JOIN IN!?!" 

If I Was In This Man's Shoes, I'd Be
Killing Those Who Ruin Or Falsify
The Slow Clap.

just be careful, you do not want to jump in too early as to make the slow clap a regular old "round of applause." Lame. But if you jump in too late you risk a prolonged silence that could ruin the structure and bring the clap to an abrupt end. This would be a shame, and if I were president, punishable upon death. Alongside the crime of making me believe upon entering a room that a Slow Clap is beginning when really it's just the conclusion of a regular applause ending with a few fucking punks and a grown man doing a "Last Clap." To which I reply shouting "WHOEVER JUST CLAPPED SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES!" before storming out. 

With that said, this portion of the blog is dedicated to Uncle Frank. R.I.P....I didn't really mean you should kill yourself...Ross still hates you for killing yourself hours after his wedding. But hey, Aunt Kelly's speech at your funeral was so epic I started a slow clap...though it didn't catch on. Love You!

In closing, as you can tell. I don't like clapping. But as I sat here and tried to think of ways we can try to figure out another way to show appreciation. I've decided that other alternatives would be quite illogical. I can't expect people to throw "Thank You" cards onto the stage, field, court, altar or any other place. That would be quite expensive and hazardous. I also don't approve of littering. I couldn't imagine people looking less ridiculous with noisemakers you often get in children's party bags. And the most ridiculous thing would be to have everyone just carrying around Vuvuzelas. So...while I dislike clapping, I guess it's going to have to suffice until I can come up with a suitable replacement for clapping...or hands. Thank you for reading.

If you'd like to follow me on twitter you can look to the right and see stuff there...or something...

And if you've liked this post or whatever...please leave comments and share with friends. Also look at some of my older posts.

-Mike.

10 Random Songs In Random Order That I'm Not Ashamed To Admit I've Cried To

Well I have been regretting the fact that I didn't post yesterday...

Maybe "regret" is a stretch, but I've been feeling like shit about it. Sure there's probably only 2 people that will read this...and maybe only one that will read past these first few sentences, but...I said I would be posting every day for the next week...and I haven't lived up to that. So...This is something I started to work on last night. I can't say a lot of thought went into this, but I definitely love these songs and have a certain emotional attachment to them all. Whether it was a song that got me through a heartbreak, or a emotional drunken breakdown that got me to cry...these songs are songs that brought out the tears.

Here are 10 Random Songs In Random Order That I'm Not Ashamed To Admit I've Cried To:

10. Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

Ah, This song.....I am pretty sure this song is the only song I've ever listened to from this guy. It's a song that got me to watch the film "Closer" which I didn't really watch because I was having sex with my girlfriend Joanna. But this song also brought tears to my eyes when listening to it after she broke my heart and started to date the worst possible person I could have imagined for her...Tomas Otero...though some of you might know him as BMT. Now, don't get me wrong...BMT and I are great friends now, but once upon a time, we were bitter rivals. He took the most beautiful and amazing girl I have ever met and in my eyes...overnight...turned her into a dirty bitch. I was wrong to judge, but BMT is a great guy with a great Fiancée. But that's neither here nor there...the point is...I cried...and it could have been because I was heartbroken, or because I was missing the sex...which this song must be associated with because of "Closer" but either way...I cried, thus, this song is on the list. Regardless of the emotional turmoil this song put me through in that Summer of '06, it is a terribly beautiful song. 

9. Blink 182 - Adam's Song

Let's not be ridiculous. This song is amazing. Any loser like me who was in High School when this song came out was REALLY lucky...unfortunately I was a few years shy of High School, thus I couldn't really grasp the deep emotional context of the song...but there came a time in which I was in High School...and I didn't have a love life...and like anyone who wasn't the most attractive kid in school can tell you...not being a heart-throb was reason to be suicidal. This song hit hard. Still does, though for different reasons. I remember crying to this song because random girls weren't in love with me...but I also remember being out of High School, at age 20 driving around with my mom and having just recently lost my cousin Shelly, I was very confused about life and why she died, yet some people are still here. I couldn't really get a grasp on how amazing it is to be alive, and how intense the finality of death was. I was thinking about death constantly. I was thinking about a lot of dark things...then this song came on...and the lump in my throat was about as painful as the cracks in my heart. That was the last time I cried to this song. It's a really powerful song that got me through many a lonely days after school sitting on my brother's computer waiting for whatever girl I was crushing on at the time to sign-on to AIM so I could try to develop a romance with her. It didn't ever really come to romances all that often, but either way, I always had Adam's Song.

8. Death Cab For Cutie - Follow You Into The Dark

The mind is a crazy vessel that brings about crazy thoughts that entices inexplicable emotions. Such is the case the night this song made me cry. I was going through some hard times at the bitter end of 2009. Did I want to leave CT? Was it worth staying? Did I really want to put the final nail in the coffin holding my relationship with the girl I was deeply in love with for almost 5 years? This song, though I can't really pinpoint what about it made me cry, resonated with me. I was driving back to the Battle House -- which was the nickname I gave the home of the family I was staying with -- from my terrible job that was physically, emotionally, and morally draining, and this song was on a CD that was playing...and I broke down. I pulled off to the side of the road and just sat there contemplating my decision. I was going back and forth with myself a lot. I would try to find an excuse to stay, like the fact that Joey Bricco and I were in line to win the Tag Team Championships for UWD...a promotion I worked my ass off for and never got an ounce of acknowledgement. I kept thinking that maybe Renee would turn around and take me back. I wasn't desperate to have her back, our last month or so together was quite horrible compared to the months previous...but if she would have me back, I'd be happy to be in that situation again. I didn't want to leave behind my friends. I sincerely believed, quite egotistically that I was my friend Adam's only friend. Only true friend that is. And I felt that if I was gone, it could be something that might cause a break down with him. He's got a lot of people around him that love him, but there were many times he confided stuff in me, and I just was worried me leaving would in a way, break his heart. Luckily Tim Van Dusen(spelling?) Otherwise known as Logic in the CT Hip-Hop scene....was there for him, and in many ways changed Adam's life forever, to which I am very grateful of Logic. I want to move on with this list...but the night in which I cried to this song was a very emotionally powerful night and it made me love this song even more than I already did.

7. Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out

This is the result of a drunken night filled with confusion and depression. I was going through a pretty ugly time in my life. I was alone despite having some kind of girlfriend in a lovely young lady named Steph. We were drifting apart due to reasons I care not to discuss, all I can say is I can't blame her. I was living alone in a huge house with only a typically frustrating dog. After losing her and reflecting on it I realized that I pretty much made it out to be that she was obligated to be around all the time cause I stayed in CT and I was with her, and had no one else. It was bad shit, and I am ashamed that I acted so foolishly. Regardless, at the precise moment this song came on I was several glasses of Vodka into the night, and very emotional. I started to record a video and decided to play music in the background as I angrily and almost violently screamed at her through a camera lens, knowing she wouldn't ever see it (she did) and hoping that through transmitting this anger I could let it go and start treating her better rather than blaming her for my unhappiness. Then this song started, to which I drunkenly sang along too while going against what the song is actually telling me to do. I've loved this song for a long time just because it's a good song, but now when I hear it, I am reminded of how I felt that night, and it kind of keeps me aware of how I treat others, especially significant ones.

6. Johnny Cash - Hurt

This song matched with this video and a dream the previous night about my dad dying had me in tears. This isn't the full song, but I wanted to include the video which sparked the tears through the song. No other song would have fit this video package. It embodies Eddie perfectly. His struggles with addiction and his love for wrestling, all leading to his death. Also thinking about Johnny Cash, and this being recorded in the final years of his life tells a completely different story than the original version of the song by the Nine Inch Nails. Watching the video again just now to make sure it was the right one had me choked up again, and I really don't know exactly what it is about it. Maybe it's because I could relate to his passion for wrestling, but knowing that he is dead now probably only because of his passion for wrestling really hits me hard. I don't really know what else to say. I loved this video and I love this song. This version of Hurt is probably one of my favorite songs of all time.

5. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge

This song has always been one of my all time favorites, but it never really made me cry until reading "Scar Tissue" by RHCP frontman Anthony Kiedis. After reading about what this song meant to him at the time, how he wrote it as a poem, and then was kind of talked into turning it into a song in which he would have to sing and everything that was going on at that time. How it was about his drug addiction and recovering from it, and never wanting to be back in that dark place again...all of that...then knowing he relapsed...when I heard it, made me break down because it made me think about myself and how I was once adamantly drug free and then to become someone who was dependent on alcohol and marijuana to stay happy, which hardly ever worked anyway, made me feel fortunate that I didn't get deeper into addiction with more harmful poisons. This song was great before and elevated to a whole new level for me after my cry-sesh. 

4. Dashboard Confessional - Ghost Of A Good Thing

Another post heartbreak song that made me cry. This time it was losing the girl I was very fond of to drugs. She probably was the most genuine and good and pure soul I've ever shared love with. Then it was over and I kept trying to get her back but she loved drugs more and the scum bag that got her going on them. The title says it all "Ghost Of A Good Thing" that's really what I was chasing. I wanted to get back the girl who essentially showed me how powerful, beautiful and amazing sex can be. I wanted to continue my life with her being a part of it. But she wasn't who I was longing for anymore. She was disconnected from anything we once had. It was never coming back. Years later I would travel to her mom's house to tell them of the passing of Tucker, the dog that was once theirs that I ended up taking in to save him from being put to sleep because her mother didn't see the point in caring for a blind dog. I didn't have her number anymore so I just drove there. Her mother didn't even let me in claiming to be deathly ill, so she hung out a bedroom window to talk to me. She told me she hasn't seen Lauren in over a year and she's still with the druggie prick she left me for. She gave me her number and told me to do her a favor and try to get back in her life. I called Lauren and she didn't even know who I was, even after giving her my first and last name. We spent close to eight months together. I had to tell her I was the one who took Tucker in. To which I then had to tell her it was once her dog. She then acted all enthused and asked me what was up. I told her of Tucker's death to which she didn't even care. Then she said she had to go. I deleted her number from my phone. I was almost heartbroken again. 

3. Foo Fighters - Everlong

This was a feel good cry-sesh. I had just finished up an appearance for DPW as a member of Anarchy...and I was going back to my large house where my girlfriend Renee, who I was chasing for 4 years before we finally got together, was waiting for me with a bunch of her friends so we can get drunk and her and I would later have the usual amazing sex we were having every night. I was feeling high on life at this point after being so low just a few short months before. Little did I know my life was going to get much lower than ever, but at this point I was on top of the world. I had an awesome match and I was going to have an awesome night with people I loved. Okay, I didn't really care for her friends. But I loved her and I was happy as hell to be experiencing whatever it was I'd be experiencing as long as it was with her. This wasn't so much a ball my eyes out cry...I got choked up, and felt really good, and was purely happy...and this song was exactly what I was feeling. I waited for Renee for what felt like an eternity, and now we were together, and if everything could ever be that good again, I'd be surprised...cause life was amazing at this point. 

2. Frou Frou - Let Go

I was never really "emo" per-se. I never have and never will really like "Screamo" music, or bands like Fall Out Boy...I never got into that shit, but I guess if emo was a term for guys like me who get over-emotional about random shit, then not have it really affect his life, or look for attention off of it (says the guy dedicating a blog to crying to songs...as if this will get me laid) then I guess this song made me cry during my "emo" phase. This song isn't really sad or anything...but there's one line..."there's beauty in the breakdown" I don't really know what Imogen Heap, the lead singer of Frou Frou meant by that...maybe she meant the breakdown of a song, but...I was emotionally distressed and on the verge of a breakdown, and upon being told there's beauty in the breakdown, it triggered some kind of feeling in me and the tears came. I wasn't really in any kind of heartbreak at the time. I remember having crushes, and longing for one of my best friends to discover she loves me. Something that never happened. But, this song had me break down, which made me feel like I had a beautiful moment, and life went on.

1. Weezer - Say It Ain't So

I can't recall how many times this song brought me close to tears or flat out had me cry. I have so much personal history with this song. I first heard it in the Senate "Standfast" Skate Video in like, 1998 or 99. Then during my life in CT, the early years it got me through some tough nights when I was missing Chicago, Then as I got older it got me through loves that were never meant to be, and it got me through a close personal friend's death after she was killed in a drive-by shooting. I love this song so much, it is definitely my favorite song of all time. 

0. Four Year Strong - One Step At A Time (Acoustic)

A few things to mention. First...I understand I am inserting an 11th song. Well Call Number 0 an honorable mention. I didn't include it in the main list because I only just heard it around October 20th when my friend Jeremy Leary (who I didn't say happy birthday to last week...sorry bro!) posted it for our mutual friend Mike Milano. Second, don't let their goofy costumes fool you. This song is powerful. Their get-up is due to them performing this on "Flag Day". Okay...moving on...

This song was significant in me coping with the loss of a friend of mine, a mentor if you will. I don't know what to call him, he was very important in my life. And he left behind some great kids and an awesome woman who loved him whole-heartedly. Yet, I was 800 miles away and unable to really accept it or be faced with the reality of it. Then Dirt Dawg posted this video. I watched it, and it helped me deal with the pain I was feeling and allowed me to finally cry. Something I wasn't able to do before due to not really being able to feel his loss having not really been around him for much over the last year. This song is a really beautiful song and I recommend it to anyone who has lost someone close to them.


0.5. Christina Perri - Jar Of Hearts

Okay, so I could have done a list of 12 Random Songs in Random Order, but I didn't, I chose to do 10 and realized there were more. Sorry.
This song I have only heard recently, but the first time I saw this video, heard this song, I was just always depressed about something. I was sitting in my office, and not making any money, my life was not where I wanted it. And this song...her emotion, her raw beauty, and the choreography is completely beautiful. I wasn't theatrically crying. but tears came down my cheek. That's a cry. I cried.

I'm a bitch.

Well...that's my list. I hope whoever ended up reading and listening to everything enjoyed my insight and everything, and maybe next time you need a good cry...you can come back here, and listen to one, or all of these songs.

-Mike

I am Gemini!

Some craziness happened with the Astrological Signs or some shit, I don't know it's still kind of fuzzy to me, but all I know is that I was a Cancer yesterday and now I am a Gemini. Which sucks cause I have the Zodiac Sign for Cancer tattooed on my right wrist. This is from Troy Reimink from The Grand Rapids Press:

If your astrological forecast is inaccurate today, there's an explanation – other than the usual explanation of “it's all made up, anyway,” I mean.

Confusing messages from the stars? Only if you believe that sort of thing.

The Internet is all atwitter with news that threatens to upend the industries of horoscope writing, little symbolic knick-knack manufacturing and ill-considered lower-back Zodiac-sign tattooing: Your astrological sign isn't what you think it is.

According to astronomers at the Minnesota Planetarium Society, here's how your date of birth aligns with the constellations:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Wait, 13 signs? Ophiuchus? Let's slow down. The system still observed by people who take astrology seriously dates to the Babylonians, who started with 13 and ditched Ophiuchus, the “snake handler,” because they wanted an even 12 to match the number of months in the year.

But is the Age of Capricorn the new Age of Aquarius? Sure, but only if you want to be, like, technical about it. The origin of this discussion – “new zodiac sign dates” is a Google hot trend item, in case you're wondering – is a brief piece in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star-Tribune in which an astronomer merely points out that the positions of constellations relative to the calendar, as observed by the Babylonians, no longer correspond to the dates they appear today.

The ancient Babylonians based zodiac signs on the constellation the sun was "in" on the day a person was born. During the ensuing millenniums, the moon's gravitational pull has made the Earth "wobble" around its axis, creating about a one-month bump in the stars' alignment.

So should everybody re-examine their personalities? Start reading a different horoscope for spiritual guidance? Divorce the spouses they married because their signs allegedly matched?

Well, it's your life. An astronomer pointing out the flaws in astrology, by the way, is kind of like a doctor explaining why you shouldn't drill holes in a person's head to let the demons out. In other words, the extent to which this information is cosmos-shattering probably depends on how much you 're willing to let grumpy ol' science blow the whistle on superstition.

I don't know what to make of any of that...but...hey...if you get something from it, then I'm glad I posted it! 

-Mike

Write A Letter To Someone You Appreciate.

So here it is. My blog project. Using this Generator I will be given a random thing to do. And subsequently write about it. The first one that came up is for me to Write A Letter To Someone I Appreciate as depicted in the title. So that's something I will do. I welcome all of you to do the same, even if it's just onto your facebook page. Anyway. Here goes my letter:

Dad (with a little bit of Mom),

I appreciate you. I know I'm a dick to you all the time. I don't know why I do what I do to you, and why I treat you like you know absolutely nothing about the universe, when in turn, I get annoyed at the ignorance of people younger than me. I am a hypocrite when it comes to this. For some reason I have categorized you and mom into some kind of dilusionaly crazy old morons who can't really have cohearant thoughts. I think about how this family is multiple times a day. And I always conclude with the following question; "Am I hurting them?"
I'm always afraid I'm hurting you and mom when I talk to you like you are below me, yet I continue to do it. I have excuses if you care to hear them. I feel trapped in this house and in the curse that us kids have deemed our lack of accomplishment to be. I hate living at home to no fault of yours or mom's. I just hate it. I'm 23 and as every day passes I worry I will be living here when I'm Bill's age. Something I don't want to be doing. I think that's pretty much my group of excuses. Or pair of excuses as it is. But I'd just like you to know that I do appreciate you. Now and Always.

I appreciate you taking the huge step that cause the five of us to move so far away from our family. The life I made out in CT is something I cherish, even now after a year of being without it. I still have so many moments of joy from what I experienced in my ten years there.

I appreciate you for the wrestling rings. No matter how flawed they were.

I appreciate you for the drumset, the guitar, the hacky sacks, the DDR stage, the iMac, And all the other shit you've bought for me because it was my ticket to making something of myself. Anything I became infatuated with, not only have you supported but you attacked it with the same enthusiasm that I did. Never once did you tell me "no" because you knew it was just a phase. You've always let me do my thing and supported it 100% no matter the cost.

I appreciate you not being an asshole after you walked in on Lauren and I having sex. You could have been an embarrassing douchebag, or just a prick about it, but you never really said a word. It could have been from you not really knowing what to say, or just trying to act like it didn't happen. Or, you could have just been oblivious to it...in which case...we weren't having sex. I was tickling her.

Since I've gone in this direction, let me throw myself into a ditch I might not be able to climb out of. Thanks for not being a douch the morning after that night you walked in on my jerking off four years ago. I was freaking out all night and couldn't even finish cause I was expecting you and everyone else to be making comments, I don't know if you even told anyone. Either way, thanks...

Shit...you know what...if for some reason you couldn't see what was on the screen, and had no idea what was going on, I wasn't jerking off, I was checking for testicular cancer. Yeah...

Fuck.

Uh...moving right along then...

Dad...thanks for not being like those Dads that flip out about their daughter getting knocked up by a black dude. Really. I don't think there was a moment that I witnessed in which you seemed ashamed of her or anything like that. The fact you and mom didn't even question Shannon's decision to keep it and supported her 100% truly shows what great parents you are. You raised us the best you could and then let us live our lives, and any decisions we made, you guys had our backs. I love you for it, and Shannon does too, because without that backbone of support you've both always been, we wouldn't have the amazing gift of Alexis. She really is the most amazing thing to ever happen to this family. So thank you for not putting your fist down about what Shannon should or shouldn't do, and let her just make her own decisions, especially considering the crisis our family has been in for the past few years.

Thanks for having your warped sense of humor, you are creepy as hell sometimes and unnecessarily perverted...but you an mom make a great comedy duo, and without your collective humor this house would be WAY worse. You guys make the crappy circumstances better, just by allowing us to freely express ourselves on any topics.

I'm sure there's more, but I am feeling like shit thanks to a stuffy nose and fucked up throat...

This has been stuff I appreciate about you. And I love you (and mom)

Now if only we can get you two to follow a fucking TV show without being so goddamn frustrating in EVERY way imaginable this house would be as peaceful as a Tibetan Monestary.

I love you. (...and mom)

Your son,
Mikey Chase

p.s. you can stop calling me that.

Ugh. Sorry I've been away for so long...

Sorry I've been away for so long. I've been trying to get my book out there, but it seems to be fruitless, the efforts will not stop!

I am just quickly posting to let everyone know that starting tomorrow, you could check back daily for really cool, off the wall, and unique posts. I can't really go any further into explaining it, but they should be worth checking out. So please do so. Thanks a bunch everyone!